dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
