i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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