Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
