is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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