I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You pole danced in your parka.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
