Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
