just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
