My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
