did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
