Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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