Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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