How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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