It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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