I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
