Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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