That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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