My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
