I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
