He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
