census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
