my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
