smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
