Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
