the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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