Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
