I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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