is your mom at the bar?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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