My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
