What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
