i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
