I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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