I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
