ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
