6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
