Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
