She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
