about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I forget how to act sober
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
