he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
