I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
