Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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