sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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