i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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