Please, let me fuck your mom
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
