Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
