What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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