There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Girls should come with a carfax report
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
