Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
