I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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