If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
