That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
