Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
