There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
