I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
