Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
