Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize