After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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