Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
