we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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