how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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