someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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