i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
All I want is dick and wine.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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