her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize