He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
