i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
