I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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