mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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