You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
