oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I am naked and annoyed.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
