Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
