I cockslap morals
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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