In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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