it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
