Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
