Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
