your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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