I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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