I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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