I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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