Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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