the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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