I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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