I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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