Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
