Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
