If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
