How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
